YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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