I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
