i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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