Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
