I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
