We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i believe in u and ur pee
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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