I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
