Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
being pregnant is like rehab
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
