Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
