see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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