ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize