Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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