it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
