ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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