i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
