She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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