so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
