I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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