i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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