Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
