I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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