We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize