how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
