You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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