see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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