GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
