I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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