I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
