Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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