i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize