dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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