Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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