I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have so much sex to catch up on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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