Cold hands, warm shart.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
