Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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