Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
