thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize