me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
