Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
