There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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