suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
