Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
