I just made out with a guy for $7.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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