Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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