She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
