why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
