Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
