guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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