have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
