so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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