Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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