she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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