Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
