no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
