Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
