You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
