Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we're making bets on your personal life
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
