I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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