There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
