I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
