I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
