And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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