My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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