First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
