Your tits are I can't wait for
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i've created a new STD.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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