im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
