I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
