What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
