It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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