Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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