Who wears a wallet chain?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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