you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
