i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
