After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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