that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
