By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
