Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
false alarm, still single
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
