Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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