Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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