I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
