I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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