i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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