A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
