i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
